Showing posts with label clutivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clutivation. Show all posts

Tuesday, 4 September 2018

Ordinary Miracles




Ordinary Miracles.


Today I am so tired
I have no space in me for big.
I must return
to the small ordinary miracles;
to the way the cup and the bowl
laid upon this table,
once earth themselves,
now,
after fire's touch,
are something else
entirely,
and give themselves
freely
with the simple symmetry
of their curved line
to the holding of emptiness
or fullness.
Or I will drink tea,
and follow it's warmth and healing touch
within and without,
and mingle my breath
with its vapour and touch
the journey of its essence
from far away lands
to here, to now, to me.
Or spend time simply remembering
that between the covers
of the books upon my shelves
are held
minds, lives, worlds, stories, wisdom
that will all last longer
than this little body of mine.
Or marvel at the striped stones
upon the shore that tell deep time,
layer by layer and recall
wild days of disaster and dancing
in their still sea vigil,
slowly loosing their grains
and building beaches for
children's hands to make sand castles
with until the next tide sets them
swimming again.
Or just knowing that already
I have seen a seed
become a tree
become a log
become a fire
become dust
and
become soil for seed's planting.
Or watch the sky
and know that the blue is
still behind the clouds
and the stars still shine
even in the day.
Or simply sit
with the slow rhythm of breath
knowing its biology as blessing,
its divine anchoring
as presence and prayer.
Today, I am so tired
I have no space in me for big
questions, queries, feelings,
problems, pains, plans,
whether mine or others,
so I will just sit
with the small ordinary miracles of being;
breathing, watching, touching, tasting
the now,
and in the now knowing
the love from which all that is, is.
I will dwell there, today,
in the wonder of it all,
in the wildness of
the small ordinary miracles
of being.



An old one but after a weekend teaching I'm feeling this one today...
May it bless +

BR

Thursday, 2 August 2018

Portiuncula: For the Feast of St. Mary of the Angels




Portiuncula

All quiet he came, barefoot,
and brown as the leaves that
fell at his feet like blessings.
A wanderer in the woods;
this day, he had woken weary
and in his sitting stillness
felt the call to journey
further into wonder.
He had followed the bird songs
and slanted sun beams as signs,
listening with love to the lay
that seemed always to sing out
from every stone and leaf,
from every bird and beast,
calling him along the way,
until at last, and suddenly,
he stepped into that clearing
and saw so bright
in sudden Sun's appearing
the grey green mossy walls,
the tumbled stone,
the ruined chapel,
long forgotten by all
but Angels and Animals,
who often find in our withdrawal
a safer sanctuary
to keep their innocent vigil,
and psalm together in a harmony
our sin discordant voices can
no longer sing.
He stood there a moment,
as still as one who sees beyond
and knows himself a servant
of the flame that burns the bush
but consumes it not;
slowly understanding his draw to this place
within the deeper call, echoing resounding
once more in soul's song:
to rebuild the ruins,
firm the foundations,
and raise the roof of grace.
Kneeling now, he gently bows
and touches his forehead to the ground,
the holy cross is graven once again
upon his heart, and then he reaches
for a stone, long fallen from its place,
and kissing it with reverence for the gift
of the Mother it makes of itself,
he places it upon another,
and begins again to build the church of God.
That night, as lady Moon
crowned the new set stones with silver,
he lit the long dark lamps
before the face of one his heart
called Queen and Mother both,
and realised with joy
to whom this holy place belonged.
Standing he sings alone his nightly songs:
psalms, and hymns, and lovers lauds
to the Lady of his soul and then he sleeps,
this troubadour in his tumbledown temple.
Until in deepest dark he wakes with wonder
to find a new light all about him,
fairer than moonlight, gentler than stars,
emerging from these old sacred stones,
as all around the gathered sit
in serried rank, birds and beasts alike,
all watching for their
Lady's smile upon her lately sleeping servant.
Now roused he hears the heralds of heaven
sing their own music, alike to his
but deeper, greater, older, sweeter,
lifting his troubadour tunes
into the great song of heaven's hearing.
Lost in love and light he listens,
caught up in creation's hymn,
whose crowning Queen he knows
here now in her sanctuary by sight,
and sits where he,
her knight errant of the road,
had lately slept his labours off.
The music, never silenced, fades, a little,
and beckoning him to her side
she whispers words of such blessing
he cannot believe;
to his care this place is given,
his little portion it will be,
and to his brothers yet to come
also a reminder, an anchor
a place of refuge and renewal,
of beginning blessing,
and the promise of an ending
in the embrace of she who gathers
these poor scared sparrows
neath her mother's mantle
to gift them to her Son.
Then reaching forth,
the Lady touched his tired eyes,
and seeing now with heaven's gaze,
the ages fall about him
telling the tale of all the Friars who follow;
the Sisters too, will have here their birth beginning,
until an even greater forest grows
about this blessed place, planted in peace
and bearing joy as fruit,
born from the seed of Gospeled faith,
sheltering with blessed branch all beings
who seek the shade of pardon and long for peace.
He weeps then, this rebuilder of blessing,
long and loud is his lament,
his mourning for the early days misspent,
 declaring his deeds, he seeks
her departure from one so stained,
yet she, the Lady, smiles all the more,
lifts him up, calls him son,
as much her building
as the stony walls about them both.
Then with a swell of Angel song she leaves,
or at least is seen no more,
and the little brother
does the only thing he can,
as, with makeshift trowel in hand,
and weeping still,
he picks up another stone
from off the floor.



Today is the feast of Our Lady of the Angels of the Portiuncula, a foundational feast for all Franciscans throughout the world. It was at the little forest chapel, rebuilt with his own hands, that Francis founded the Order, dedicating it to Our Lady of the Angels, there he received the vows of the brothers and of St. Clare, spent much time in meditation and finally breathed out his soul to God... The little chapel remains the heart place of the Franciscan soul and is a place of blessing to this day.



The "pardon of Assisi" the plenary indulgence granted to St. Francis to honour this feast and title of Our Lady may be obtained by visiting any public church until midnight tonight, praying the Creed and the Our Father for the intentions of the Pope and receiving Sacramental Confession and Holy Communion within 7 days before or after the feast.

Monday, 16 July 2018

Queen of Carmel; Queen of Contemplation's Heights


Today we keep the Feast of Our Lady as Queen of Carmel...


From Old Testament times Carmel was seen as the mountain of prayer and contemplation, the place of encounter with God and longing for the Messiah. The Prophet Elijah spent time here and there founded a brotherhood of prophets, later Christian hermits gathered there and began the Carmelite Order seeking the way of Contemplation through the intercession of Mary as Queen of Carmel. Over the centuries the Carmelite family has given to the Church some of its greatest masters of prayer, meditation and the contemplative way. St.'s Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Therese of Lisieux, Teresea Benedicta, (all depicted in the Icon above), and so many others continue to lead us to the heights of prayer and trust in the mercy and love of God.

Our Franciscan family has great ties to Carmel as both communities have enriched each other over the years.
(The franciscan mystics St. Peter of Alcantara and Brother Francis deOsima were the spiritual directors to St. Teresa of Avila for example!)

Today, with the Carmelite family, we once again place ourselves and our prayer life under the patronage of Mary who calls us to the heights of prayer, to the heights of Carmel...


Below is the beautiful antiphon sung to Our Lady of Carmel, the Flos Carmeli:

Flower of Carmel,
Tall vine blossom laden;
Splendour of heaven,
Childbearing yet maiden.
None equals thee.

Mother so tender,
Who no man didst know,
On Carmel's children
Thy favours bestow.
Star of the Sea.

Strong stem of Jesse,
Who bore one bright flower,
Be ever near us
And guard us each hour,
who serve thee here.

Purest of lilies,
That flowers among thorns,
Bring help to the true heart
That in weakness turns
and trusts in thee.

Strongest of armour,
We trust in thy might:
Under thy mantle,
Hard press'd in the fight,
we call to thee.

Our way uncertain,
Surrounded by foes,
Unfailing counsel
You give to those
who turn to thee.

O gentle Mother
Who in Carmel reigns,
Share with your servants
That gladness you gained
and now enjoy.

Hail, Gate of Heaven,
With glory now crowned,
Bring us to safety
Where thy Son is found,
true joy to see.
O Flower of Carmel!

Thursday, 12 April 2018

St. Francis of the Elements: A Meditation

St. Francis of the Elements: 

A Meditation.




Brother Air:


Francis,
you were a feather born upon the breath of God; dancing with the unseen and manifesting the invisible in your skyborn steps, inviting all to see again the Divine dance into which they are blessed born...
Francis,
you were an Autumnal leaf gilded by grace's sunshine and shower; now unafraid to let go of anything that would keep you from the freedom of flight and happy to journey to the dissolution of all in offering...
Francis,
you were a snowflake; unique and Heaven sent, you kissed the earth lightly and woke us to her own beauty and wisdom, long lost in our lies...
Francis,
you were a lightening strike; shattering a clear sky and bringing the Divine storm that renews and creates, bringing beginning and drawing a new Spring from stuffy stalled hearts...




Brother Fire:


Francis,
you were a spark; struck by Grace from the Flint of heart's hardness, yearning for the dry straw of sin to be kindled in kindness consuming...
Francis,
you were a hearth on a Winter's night; leeching the indifference from our cold ecclesial bones, welcoming all to sit in storied circle and be one in warmth...
Francis,
you were a forest fire; consuming all in the conflagration of your consecrated love, incandescent within the light of Grace flaming through your burning bones...




Sister Water:


Francis,
you were the dew of dawn; appearing to announce a new morning of magic when beasts and birds become brothers and sisters and our tongues are loosed at last in Eden's song...
Francis,
you were a sweet spring; burbling with joy that knows no end, offering to all a deep draught of the Divine, the only answer to soul's thirst...
Francis,
you were a mountain stream; singing your silver song upon a pilgrim path, refreshing worn feet and charming the divine dance from stony hearts...
Francis,
you were an ocean's drop; borne upon the tide of love you yielded to the pull of prayer and lost yourself in the sacred sea of His resurrection gaze and became yourself in unbecoming all you were not...




Sister Mother Earth:


Francis,
you were a grain of dust upon the road; herald and holy, you dwelt in truth's humility, barefoot upon the brown earth, fading at distance into the truth of her embrace...
Francis,
you were a stone; becoming stillness you yielded yourself and were chisel formed into a foundation, while still a friar free to rest upon the rock of faith...
Francis,
you were a healing herb; condensing in yourself the medicine of first divine in-breathing when all that is, is named as good, for reminding us of redemption's remedy you gave root and leaf and flower and fruit for all...
Francis,
you were bird and beast; all found their friend in you and revealed their inner teaching of praise at your prayer; wondering to hear in you the voice long lost from creature's canticle sung by all that is, as you drew even tears from those who by Adam's naming had felt their brother-sisterhood of being lost to them until your call...



Francis,
you are beyond all elemental being now, plunged sainted and seraphic into Love's fire of origin and union and ending, all in one eternal communion of praise, where God is all in all and all are one. Pouring out upon those who are brave enough to follow your bloody footprints upon the Gospeled path an ever flowing fountain of peace and joy and brother beckoning us ever onward, ever upward, from earth's embrace, to sing with wind and fire and water our way into the Divine Dance of Being!

Thursday, 21 December 2017

O Rising Sun, O Oriens: A meditation on the fifth of the Great O Antiphons of Advent





O Rising Sun!

On the day of the deepest dark
we call you!
Come to us O promised light!
Gazing upon the eastern edge
of the world
we thrill,
as from our long benighted being
the first dayspring spark is cast,
and a red dawn heralds
a conqueror’s coming!

O Rising Sun!

You who are light from light,
scatter upon us
the uncreated light by which our dull eyes
may even now behold
the dawn of your presence!
Illume us as lanterns,
kindle us as fires,
breathe your flame upon us as beacons
in a world so cold
and a winter of the heart so dark
we oft forget the dawn that has come,
is come,
will come again,
needing our annual remembering
to rekindle our rebirth in you
O Son!

O Rising Sun!

We long for your dawn
down the dark and ancient ways of ancestry
Feeling in our old yearning
the gathering of ghostly generations
who followed their deepest knowing,
that map,
long inscribed upon the centre
of our being
but written in a sacred script
unknown to eyes lost to Eden’s light.
For they,
So desperate for the
warming of a presence
they remembered
but did not know
wrought stone,
and marked ways,
and offered song,
and told story,
and gathered green,
and even spent
blood,
to charm back an earthly sun
while truly seeking
for the Divine Son
who would warm
the winter of our heart
and make of Himself
the sacrifice that brings the light back
for an eternal day  

O Rising Sun!

We call you by our evening invocation!
Kindling our vesper candles and vigil lights,
wrapping the wreath of time
in flames of rose and purple,
we sing now the soul song of
the Lady of the Light.
She whose heart blessed beacon
shone so bright in love,
it drew you from
the realms of everlasting day
to that sealed chamber in which,
with quickening touch,
you, the dayspring and the morning star
both
bestowed your spark of glory
and found your home,
issuing forth
as Word and Light
to bestow the blessing
of a dawn from our Midwinter night,
that re-orients us to righteousness,
and reveals the Light beyond all night
Bethlehem born and blazing
as the true and victorious
Son.

"O Rising Sun!
Splendour of light eternal and sun of righteousness:
Come and enlighten those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death!"

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

The Paradox of Presence; a Meditation for Midsummer's Eve




The Paradox of Presence;
a Meditation for Midsummer's Eve

 Here I am Lord;
I am a passing shadow
I am a breath on the edge of being
I am a body of dust and ashes
I am a child of earth
I am from nothing
I am only ever almost
I am a ripple in the pool of life
I am a whisper in the silence
I am lost in time
I am unfulfilled yearning
I am a distorted reflection
I am delusion
I am desire
I am for now
And yet,
Here I am Lord;
I am made in your image
I am growing into your likeness
I am an idea in the Divine mind
I am called forth from nothingness
I am an exhalation of love
I am a child of God
I am an eternal soul
I am a word spoken by the Word
I am the temple of the Divine
I am from Being itself
I am called by name
I am held in being by Love
I am interpenetrated by light
I am sustained by pure attention
I am healed by Divine Compassion
I am redeemed by Mercy
I am for eternity
And so, I answer once again
caught in the pain of paradox,
on this point between the
shortest night
and the longest day:
Here I am Lord;
To be light in the shadows
To be your breath of love
To be the place where Being heals being
To be the moment where time touches Eternity
To be the voice who speaks the word into the silence
To be the torch aflame in the darkness
To be the temple of Divine encounter
To be the emptiness without absence
To be the call to compassion
To be the wound that heals
To be the child of heaven and the child of earth
To be in time and dwell in eternity
To live my I am in the I AM
To lose all so as to find all in you.
So,
Here I am Lord;
journeying from nothing to something
journeying from darkness to light
journeying from emptiness to fullness
by
journeying from something to no-thingness
journeying from light to light so bright it blinds and darkens my still too earthly sight
journeying from fullness to emptiness of being...
Here I am Lord;
a pilgrim on this paradox path
lost and found
and lost again
but with faith in the finding always...
and on this night of edges and shadows and barely there darkness
I surrender to the
silence of the Word
and simply say with open hands and
broken heart,
Here
I
am
Lord

Friday, 8 July 2016

Ripening not Ageing: A Contemplative reflection.

Ripe.

What if
instead
of calling it
ageing;
we named it
ripening?
Seeing
in
each passing
stage of life
the
beauty
we ascribe
to
Seed,
Shoot,
Leaf,
Flower,
Fruit.
Never asking
one of them
to be,
or
remain as,
another;
but delighting
in their
present
presence
as a gift
from each
season.
Each perfect
and apt
in their
own
time.
What if
instead of
calling them
wrinkles
we saw in
them
only the
evidence of
experience?
Counting them
the way
children
count the
rings of trees;
delighting
in them
as
signs of
stories
to be told;
wisdom lines
to be
wondered at,
whether born
of tears,
or laughter,
or even,
pain.
What if
we taught
the young
to see
the old
as we,
standing back
in awe,
gaze upon
the ancient
being
of
trees?
Travelling to
simply
see them,
touch them,
to be
in their
canopied company.
Resting our
frantic
minds
in their
deep green
slowness,
while imagining
with awe
all that has
passed
beneath their
crooked branches;
the seasons
they have
seen,
the storms
survived,
and
the myriad lives
they have
sheltered
in their
long growing.
So then,
Go out,
go out
my friend
and let
yourself
ripen
beneath
the sun
and moon,
breathe freely
of your
present season
letting
the regrets
of lost time
fall from
you
and fly
like leaves
upon the
air.
Fear
no longer
Autumn's
harvest
or even the
seeming sleep
of Winter
for,
when ripened,
fruit's
earthward drop
frees seed
and
begets
always,
a new
Spring.




(with thanks to our brother Paul Dressler for the beautiful picture of Br. Teobalda of Italy, one of the noted elders of our Order.)

Friday, 26 February 2016

The practice of Christian Mindfulness: Not Shrinking God but breathing God's Presence in each moment.


Link below to a 20 minute homily I gave recently on the Practice of Christian Mindfulness as part of an ongoing parish mission we Capuchin friars are giving in St. Cronan's Parish, Brackenstown, Co. Dublin.









Do you shrink God to fit your own ideas of Him or do you allow Him to breathe His infinite love through you in each succeeding moment? This is the path of Christian Mindfulness...
Enjoy :)

https://twitter.com/CronanParish/status/702875623396495360

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Dealing with those Distractions: The Meditation Gym.

Dealing with those Distractions: The Meditation Gym.





There is a wonderful story from the life of that great mystic and master of meditation, St. Teresa of Avila, that deals with distractions in prayer beautifully.
Having been brought to a convent of sisters to teach them about the way of meditation she did so in great depth and with much skill. However, towards the end of her time with them she was asked by one of the sisters to describe how she herself meditated. Taking the last half hour that the sisters had gathered she began by saying she had gone to the chapel with them, genuflected before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and interiorly dedicated the time of prayer to Him. Then she sat in stillness, and almost immediately was distracted by a sunbeam illuminating the corner of the chapel that showed up a little dust. She began to think to herself that the sister in charge of the sweeping wasn’t doing a very good job…
But she remembered she was there to pray and returned to her meditation…
A few moments passed and then she noticed that the sister kneeling in front of her had three nails in the sole of one sandal, but four in the other…
Where could the other one have gone to, she wondered…
Was it a case of two few nails in one or too many in the other?...  
But she remembered she was there to pray and returned to her meditation…
A few moments passed, and then she noticed that the breathing of the sister beside her was in a different rhythm to her own and she began to listen to the music of her breath…
But she remembered she was there to pray and returned to her meditation…
St. Teresa continued to describe the ongoing oscillation from distraction to distraction that to her listeners seemed to comprise the whole of her meditation much to the dismay of the sisters who wanted to learn from this Master of Prayer.
At the end one of them was so amazed she blurted out, “But then you were just distracted for the whole of your meditation!”
“Ah,” said Teresa, smiling, “Yes, I was distracted but I returned each time and that makes all the difference.”

Perhaps one of the most common difficulties in prayer that is brought to me both as a teacher and as a confessor is the whole area of distractions during meditation.  

People can often torture themselves over this perceived difficulty, indeed, for some the encounter with the dross and ephemera that arises before the mind’s eye during meditation can be so off-putting and the struggle to defeat them become so exhausting that it can even be enough to put them off the practice of meditation completely… in a later post we will deal with the content of these thoughts and the wisdom of the fathers and mothers as to how to deal with the major ones that every meditator has to struggle with, but for today let’s look at the general problem of distractions and how we should deal with them in meditation…

You see, the problem often begins with dividing our assessment of our period of meditation into the time “I was distracted”, (which often seems like the majority of our time), and “the time I was meditating”, (which usually seems like the minority), when the real issue is that we are approaching it from the wrong perspective by using this as the framework of our division of the time in the first place. The problem then becomes further compounded when we add a layer of guilt and self-recrimination for the distractions in to the mix. This then arouses anxiety and further separates us from the relaxed stillness necessary to our prayer. These difficulties arise when we fail to realise that the distractions are a part, indeed a very necessary part, of the meditative process. I will repeat that: The distractions are part of the discipline of prayer.

Let me explain…

Suppose as part of your “New Year, New You” initiative, (that takes place every January first), you decided you wanted to build up your biceps, or triceps, or abs or whatever muscle group you feel needs some work. You go to the gym and with effort you lift a weight. (So far so good.) But then you NEVER put it down again. Do you build the muscle? No of course not, in fact you will probably wither it and end up with less movement and less muscle. It is in both the contraction and the release, the picking up of the weight and the putting it down again, that the strength of the muscle is built when the process is repeated over and over again. The same is true for the mind at prayer. Every time a distraction arises, and we notice we are distracted, we simply and gently return to the anchors of the breath and the Prayer Word that draws us back to our focused mindful awareness of the Divine Presence. The taking up of the time of prayer is the picking up of the weight. The distraction arising is the releasing of the weight. As long as we pick up the weight again as soon as we notice that we have put it down, we are only building the “muscle” of the attention, refining our mindful awareness a little more each time, so that over the days, weeks, months and years of practice we will find that the distractions become less and the periods between them become longer. Indeed, after a time the distractions will simply rise and fall but our own focus on the Presence will remain true beneath and beyond them.

This “discipline of distraction” is actually essential to the beginner in meditative prayer and is the whole of the art in its initial stages. It refines focus, builds attention in a gentle way, opens the present moment as the place of encounter with the Divine Presence, and deepens our humility and the awareness of our need for Divine Grace.
In coming back again, and again, and again, we are allowing the Holy Spirit to write the path of metanoia, the path of conversion, (literally re-turning to God) within our hearts. It is on and in this struggle (parrhesia) for mindful attention that the Desert Fathers and Mothers saw the foundations of the real meditative life being built, and it was the art that the monastic had to be grounded in before moving on to deeper forms of meditative prayer.

As the great master of prayer St. Francis DeSales wrote in his wonderful treatise The Introduction to the Devout Life,

“If the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point quite gently and replace it tenderly in its Master’s presence. And even if you did nothing during the whole hour, (of meditation), but bring your heart back and place it in Our Lord’s presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be very well employed.” 

 So then, the next time you go to sit... and the distractions arise... smile... once you have noticed them... and then immediately return to the breath and begin again...and again... and again... this is the discipline of meditation, this is the path of prayer... this is the way to build mindful attention of the Divine Presence... And as you leave your meditation, if anyone asks you what you were doing in there just say "Working out!"

Blessings :)

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Of Weed-killer and Wonder...





I’m ashamed to say it, 
but it all began with weed-killer…
and looking back now, the fact that I even thought of weed-killer as a solution to the problem is a source of horror and embarrassment…
or perhaps it began with the feeling of frustration at needing to ask for it…

As Novices one of the duties we had was to assist the brother who looked after the extensive novitiate gardens. These were traditional cloister gardens that only the novices and the novitiate staff used. I loved them. There were beautiful old fruit trees, vegetable patches, an extraordinary spliced Laburnum tree that flowered spectacularly once a year in a half yellow and half purple explosion, lots of small green lawns and fulsome flower beds and around them all and through them all long gravel paths that led to little shrines and hidden areas set aside for prayer, reflection, reading or simply enjoying the autumnal sunshine in those first months of the ancient year long retreat experience we call novititate.

Working with the Brother Gardener meant mowing lawns and trimming trees and planting and hoeing and doing all the usual jobs that a large garden entails while learning from him the arcane arts of gardening. We worked on a rotation between the three of us novices. One on Fruit and Veg, one on Lawns and Flowers and one on the dreaded Weeding of the Paths. Then came the day the rotation shifted and suddenly I found myself moved on to Path Weeding Duty. Three times a week I would spend an afternoon kneeling on the path plucking out the little sprouts of Dandelions, Daisies and other invaders that threatened to overcome the order of the paths and bind the gravel together into a muddy mess. Having completed the section I was working on I would then hoe and rake the gravel back into order before the bell rang for evening meditation and prayer. Looking back as I left I would notice that the section I had just worked on was clean and clear but whatever satisfaction I was taking in my work for that day would be miserably mitigated by seeing the apparent miles that awaited my attention in front of me, to say nothing of the light green fuzz already accruing on the section I had done last week. I hated it. It was back breaking, and slow, and stupid, I thought. I could not understand why so much time was being expended on maintaining the paths by hand when surely a once a month treatment with weedkiller would have rendered them just as free for much longer and would have freed me in the process for much more necessary and important work… and so I would spend my time there kneeling on the paths no longer focussed on the beauty of the gardens but grumbling deep within… especially when other friars passed me by mowing grass, digging beds and generally seeming to have a much better time than I.



Then came a particularly bad day. It had rained the day before. The path was muddy. The roots were deep. The back was sore. All through evening meditation I ached and fulminated in equal quantities as around me the gentle breathing of the brethren did nothing to calm my mood. Tomorrow, I resolved, I would do something about it, and so I did. As soon as the morning classes were over I asked to see the Novice Master. Sitting in front of him I made my request for money to go and get weedkiller for the paths. I was reasonable in my tone. Clear in my arguments. I enunciated my request clearly and calmly, being sure to stress that this would make the job easier not just for me but for everyone.

“Think of all the time that would be saved”, I said,
“I’m surprised no one has ever thought of this before”, I said,
“I’ll be free to do so much more”, I said.
The Novice Master just looked at me.
Then, when I had quite finished and talked myself into silence, he said quietly,
“Brother, when you can come to me and tell me why I’m refusing your request now, then you won’t have to weed the paths anymore.” 
There was a moment of silence and then, stunned slightly, I left the room.

Over the ensuing days and weeks I grew to dread those paths. And always as I was working I would stew over what the Novice Master had meant. Was it because we never used chemicals in the garden elsewhere? Was it a Franciscan thing? Was he just being cheap? Was it supposed to be penance? (It certainly felt like it at times). And so I grumbled and weeded and made my way slowly around the paths for about a month feeling the encroaching green army always at my sandaled heels and losing no opportunity to tell the brothers what I thought of Weedkiller and weeds and futile work until I’m sure they longed for the bell to ring that issued in silent time in the evenings.

Then, one day, out of the blue, and a day in all respects like any other, it happened. I was weeding away. In the background I could hear the other brothers chatting as they worked on the fruit trees. It was a sunny brisk day and I could feel the earth drying on my fingers as I parted another weed from the ground and pulled it free from the gravel… and then, just as I shook it, watching the clods of mud fall away from the roots something fell away from me as surely as the grains of gravel fell to the ground. I can only say I was freed, that I was connected.

Connected to the gravel.
Connected to the root.
Connected to the earth beneath.
Connected to the sunshine,
Connected to the dust.
Connected to the breath.
Connected to the Love that holds it all in being.
I was myself apart and I was connected to all of it.
It did not matter that I was weeding or not weeding.
It did not matter that the paths were greening behind me and were still green before me.
There was just me in this moment.
Now.
Performing this action.
Now.
Breathing and moving.
Now.
Loving and being loved.
Now.

I kept on weeding, but it was as though a deep quality of experience that is always just below the surface was revealed. I realised that we float on the surface of a deep ocean of Being. It was like seeing a familiar but dark room illumined dazzlingly as a curtain is suddenly pulled back. Everything was still in the room, all the familiar furniture was there but illuminated and outlined in sunshine.

It wasn’t peaceful, it was peace.
It wasn’t joyful, it was joy.
It wasn’t loving, it was love…
It wasn’t praying, it was prayer…

And I, well I kept weeding! What else could you do?
It only lasted a moment, though it seemed to expand within me and around me forever, and then, (foolishly I know now,) I looked at it, not from within but from without and began to rejoice not in the experience but at having the experience and, as ego awoke, immediately, it vanished…

At first I was sad, but then I smiled and…kept on weeding…after all that was the job in hand… From then on weeding was no longer the burden it had been. It was just weeding. It didn’t matter that I would be kneeling in an island of soon to be consumed again gray, loose, gravel…
there was just this moment,
this weed,
this job,
this breath…
and that was ok.
The rhythm of weeding of bending, bowing, plucking, shaking, hoeing, raking became the background music to an inner attention to the prayer of the breath that now, many years of practice later, I know marked the beginning of the Mindfulness of Divine Presence that is the foundation stone of Christian Meditation practice. Over the weeks I grew to quite like weeding… all thoughts of weedkiller were forgotten… I simply dwelt in the ordinary wonder of the garden.

Later, I discussed the experience with the Novice Master.
He smiled.
Said nothing about it then, and, next day, relieved me of weeding duty.

Over the months the experience would come and go, I realised it could never be forced, though it could be encouraged and it always happened when I was just in the moment, in a fluidity of being that very often brought body and mind together in a repetitive disciplined action, in which intention had been set to dwell fully in the work and be fully present to it, while preserving a loving attention at the centre of the heart on the Divine Presence. There is a reason we call it cultivation! This work of attuning the inner attention to that which is always present to us. It takes a life time to master but the joy is in knowing that when we begin to practice Divine Love swoops down into the gap between what we are, (our usual distracted, self-centred existence), and what we could be, (centred, peaceful, present) and gives us a glimpse of the latter so that we might wish to work on the former…

If you would like to begin to weed out your own distractions, so as to begin to enter this mindfulness of Presence then a few suggestions come from the tradition.


Intentionality:
Consciously make a prayer setting your intention to be present to Divine Love every day. If possible do this first thing in the morning. (The Morning Offering practice.) It can be good to return to this prayer at midday and in the evening. Invite the Holy Spirit to begin the work of attuning you to His presence and inspiration.

Sitting:
A later post will look at this in detail, but for now simply begin by setting two periods of about 20 mins, morning and evening, to sit comfortably but alertly. If 20mins is too long start with 10 and allow it to grow. Invoke the Holy Spirit and offer the time to the Lord as a time of being consciously present to Him by being consciously present to the reality of His Love breathing through you, and then follow the gentle rhythm of your breath as it rises and falls. We will add a prayer word to this later, but for now, just follow the breath and when you become distracted return to it gently and without stress.

Work:
We are all busy people, but our work, whatever it is, can still be prayer. Moving from activity to activity, pause long enough to re-set your intention each time to be inwardly present to the Divine Presence within and around you. A simple moment in which you breathe deeply three rounds of in-breath and out-breath dedicating each one to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit can be a beautiful way to do this. In time you will need to re-set less and less…

Finally:
Don’t use weedkiller!