The Family and Digital Technology: Making Space for Prayer
Talk for
the World Meeting of Families 2018: Brother Richard Hendrick
Some years
ago I came across a concept which may serve to illustrate beautifully the
changed circumstances our families find themselves in as they strive nowadays to
be places of love, meaning, communion, prayer and faith. The concept I refer to
is that of the “Transparent Home”.
Let me
explain.
I am a
child of Ireland
of the 1970’s and 80’s…
However, in
those far off distant days there were two primary arbitrators between me and
the world. They were called Mum and Dad. If they didn’t like the behaviour I
was engaged in, or the people I was hanging around with they would appear at
the door and I would be told, “Richard! In!” and in I went… mumbling and
grumbling along the way, but often somewhat relieved as well. Once in the house
they continued to be the guardians of reality.
What do I
mean by this?
Well, there
was one TV in the Living Room. We gathered as a family to watch it. If
something unsuitable appeared it was switched off or we were sent out of the
room or up to bed. I always found my Father required a cup of tea just as
things were really getting interesting on Dallas.
There was no remote control. We were the remote control. There was one phone in
the house, it was in the hall and later in the kitchen and if we were on it, it
was amazing how often Mum would need to drift through the kitchen asking on her
way, who it was we were speaking to? There were a few radios of course
scattered around but that was it. Reading
was actively encouraged and trips to the library and bookshops were common.
You see, the
house was opaque to the world, and so it was, thankfully, a safe refuge from
which to slowly venture into it, or to return to when things out there were
overwhelming or even dangerous. We were gradually introduced to the outside
world via Parents, Teachers, Clergy and Elders at a pace that was slow, allowed
for self reflection and began locally before stretching out to the world at
large.
Now what
about today…
Today, our
homes, and indeed our families are transparent. You can call the young person
in from the street but now the street, indeed the whole world comes in too via
the ubiquitous smart phone, tablet and laptop. The Young Person exists in an
always on, always available network of media that demands the same level of
availability from them. It allows no time for reflection and encourages the
externalisation of self-esteem, which often invites the young person into the
living of a reactive rather than a proactive/reflective life that leads in turn
to heightened emotionalism and the need to always be on the crest of a wave,
seeking the next high, the next “like”.
It is a way
of life that is exhausting, anxiety inducing and doomed to futility as we seek
the perfect life that others seem to be having out there somewhere. Not for
nothing do all of the great spiritual traditions teach that “comparison is the
thief of joy”. In this new model the arbitrators of reality are no longer the
adults and elders that bestow a wider, deeper, wisdom based narrative based on
love, faith, prayer and communion, but are instead the often anonymous forced
of so called social media that as we have seen on both a national and
international scale are open to manipulation from market forces and perhaps
even more decidedly negative ones too.
So what can
we do, we who gather here at the call of our Holy Father and the World Meeting
of Families to help young people and families in the midst of these sudden and
sometimes dangerous changes?
Well, we
first need to admit where we are and be present to reality as it is. We cannot
go back, nor would we want to. We are well aware that the bucolic force of
nostalgia only serves to isolate us further from the world. God is in the Now
and so we must be too. We must praise and promote the positive changes that
have occurred! Greater social connectivity and the possibilities for
evangelisation and outreach inherent in new forms of media must be strengthened
and become a ripe field for the harvest of the Gospel. But skills so as to
manage these new ways of being must be taught and I propose that like the Scribes
of the Kingdom, who bring forth things both new and old, our own Christian
Contemplative Tradition has wonderful tools that can assist the young person
and the family in their navigation of this changed world. The practices of
Stillness, Silence, Reflection, Meditative forms of prayer that are at the
heart of our tradition must be taught and above all lived again in the home and
in the heart of the family.
Thankfully such programmes that teach these
practices exist and are part of our Church life today. Groups such as the World
Community of Christian Meditation, Contemplative Outreach and the Sanctuary
Centre in Dublin
all offer courses aimed at introducing these ancient skills in new ways to the
people of today. We need to recognise the importance of these practices as
life-saving, indeed soul-saving tools that will allow us to negotiate the
transparent homes and lives we are all living today so that at our centre we
are still enough to hear the quiet breeze of the Spirit inviting us into this
world as sons and daughters of the Kingdom, so as to create in the digital
desert spaces of today oases of the spirit where the real presence of God may
be found by those lost in the often overloading storms of life, both real and
virtual today.
To finish
I’d like to offer you three simple practices that can revolutionise our way of
interacting with each other online:
The first
is what has become known as the “3P method”. The three P’s are Pause, Pray and
only then Post! They offer us a way of being present online in a reflective
rather than reactive way. Something catches us online and we immediately feel
we need to comment, to make our opinion known, to teach the other a lesson! All
of these responses may simply be our ego igniting and may not be spiritually
healthy for us or to those we are responding to. So take the fingers off the
keys, pause and breathe; pray for the grace of the Holy Spirit to be present in
your words and then see if you need to post. It is amazing how often when one
has practiced the first two P’s the need to carry through to Post disappears.
The three P’s: Pause, Pray, and only then Post!
The second
is all about our use of time and intention. How do you wake up? Most people,
and especially most young people will tell you that the first thing they do
when they awake is to reach for the phone. Barely awake they are catapaulted
into the virtual world and all the bad news present there. They are taken away
from the present moment and taken away from the presence of those who are with
them, and even from the awareness of the presence of God. So practice 2 is a
simple consecration of the first moments of the day to being present to God, to
those you live with and to yourself. It is the ancient practice of the Morning
Offering made new for today.
Try it!
You’ll be amazed at the positive difference it makes to you and to others
around you. As one old friar used to say its going from your first thought
being, “Good God it’s morning!” to “Good morning God!”
The third
practice and the final one I will leave you with today is the practice of the
bells! All monastic traditions have used bells to mark the passing of the day
and as a call to awareness, mindfulness and attentiveness to the Divine
Presence. Well you have a device that summons you with multiple bells
throughout the day always with you; your phone! Why not set and hourly, (or
more), reminder to take a moment to breathe, pray and become present to the real
world around you, to the needs of your brothers and sisters, to the beauty of
creation, to God. No one else need know what’s going on… they’ll just think
you’re very popular with all the texts you’re getting!
So there we
are, three small, gentle practices that have deep roots in our own
Contemplative Tradition that can really help us negotiate the opportunities and
challenges of new technology and ways of communicating that we enjoy today so
that we do not lose ourselves in the process. Our homes and even our
monasteries may have transparent walls these days but with the wisdom of the
ancient practices we can grow in reflective discernment and begin to truly
choose just who and what we want to be transparent to.
Thank you
for your attention today!
Well written and a path to the future. A new age is dawning, however, we need to know from whence we came. These three practices are stepping stones to keep us safely on the path.
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